The Ritzee Space Bar
A short story based on the Fictionistas December prompt.
A story inspired by the Fictionistas December prompt. Read about it here.
“If I were suddenly rich I’d—” Mercazio sneezed. Not one of those polite sneezes where someone turns their head and makes the ahchoo sound. Not the kind where people within earshot offer the obligatory “Bless you!” in response.
No. This was the type where people ducked under the stained tables covered in cards and credits, tried to fit under their chairs to avoid the copious snot shot out while simultaneously pressing their hands against their ears to prevent hearing loss.
It was the third time since the undersized elephant sat down to play cards, and the patrons of Ritzee Space Bar were getting annoyed. Particularly the two human scoundrels at the table trying to win back their money. They were joined by a recently freed self-aware droid, Bob, hired to manage the table. It hadn’t bothered to duck and cover. Mucus just slid off its smooth, distressed, silver surface, except for the bits stuck in its joints. It chuckled with some amusement at the distress of the humans but its glowing eyes turned red to see the cards and credits scattered yet again.
“Damn it!” Ulo said as he emerged from under the table, blissfully unaware there was a chunk of snot stuck in his long, greasy hair. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I am so sorry,” Mercazio said, sniffling through his long trunk as he used it to sweep the table, pulling his pile of credits closer to him. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me today.”
“Stop!” Bob the droid reached out and grabbed the flexible appendage before it could gather more credits.
“How rude!” Mercazio tried to yank his trunk back.
Bob didn’t let go.
Thick, circular grey wrinkles contracted, Mercazio’s deep green eyes popping out with the motion.
Kendra stood up. “So this is how you ‘suddenly’ get rich?” She mocked him by waving one hand across the table in a sweeping motion while the other wiped dust off her synthetic, spiked leather jacket.
“No, I—” Mercazio shook his head and winced when his trunk pulled on Bob’s grip.
Kendra whipped out a gun so large patrons at the other tables in the bar gasped and a few fainted. “Let him go, Bob, and reset the table. Please.” She tilted her head. “I think Betty here”—she patted the stock of the weapon and grinned—“will keep our elephantine friend from scooping up more than his share.”
Bob released the wiggly proboscis, which hung in the air as if he still held it while Mercazio’s gaze moved between the credits and Betty.
Ulo sat back in his seat, smirking at the snotball sneezer. “So, are you some kind of runt? Didn’t get enough of mum’s milk as a baby or something?” He chuckled and winked at Kendra.
She scowled at him in return, her fingers caressing Betty’s trigger.
“No, actually.” Mercazio launched into a history of how his version of elephant had been designed and enhanced on a world no one in the bar had ever heard of, or cared about. His story was cut short only a moment later when Bob announced the reset was complete.
“Good thing Ritzee hired Bob to manage the tables, Mercazio. If he weren’t here, I’d have killed you after the first sneeze and taken all the credits.” She picked up her cards.
Ulo grunted in agreement, then looked up from his hand, the snot in his hair having slipped down toward his ear. “Well, not all of them.”
“All of them.” She didn’t bother to look at Ulo, who swallowed hard and turned back to his cards.
“It was your bet, Kendra.” Bob said, its voice tinged with a tone of regret, as if it would much prefer to have not been hired to watch the table, and perhaps should have taken up residence in an old mine somewhere and built little droidlings to keep itself amused.
“I remember.” She scraped her cards across a section of felt not covered in slime. “All in.” She pushed her rather small pile of credits into the rather large pile in the middle, which was still significantly smaller than the pile hoarded by Mercazio.
“Oh my.” Mercazio deftly shifted the cards it held in its snout.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Ulo threw down his hand and scooped up the few credits he had left. “I’m outta here. Knock him out, Kendra.” He stood, took one step away before bending down and whispering in her ear.
Her elbow hit him square in the groin. He dropped, his moans gathering only quick glances from the most bored of patrons. The good news for him was that the action finally knocked the snot out of his hair. The bad news was his forehead landed on it when he smashed into the floor.
The look of sheer disgust on her face dropped when she turned back toward her opponent. “What will you do, Mercazio?”
He grunted. His trunk wiggled. His mouth opened.
Bob reached out, its mechanical hand clamping down just before the onslaught of yet another round of mucus-laden chaos.
Mercazio’s trunk swelled up just above Bob’s grip, then deflated as the force rebounded back into his head. He jerked back. His eyes closed. He teetered, then leaned to the right.
Bob let go.
The Ritzee shook with the impact of even such a small elephant slamming into the floor. Some patrons screamed and ran about, most ending up in positions they found terribly embarrassing when videos were later played on the local news. Most though, held on to their seats and rode it out.
Bob bent over and picked up Mercazio’s cards and spread them out on the table. “It appears you won, Kendra.” It began counting out the appropriate amount of credits as if Mercazio had called her bet, putting the discretion the bar owners gave him to good use. It pushed them toward her, only to see Betty mere inches from his chest.
“I’ll take it all.”
Bob lamented not choosing droidlings.
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I have to admit having some inspiration from the Mos Eisley cantina for the setting but the character is NOT based on that keyboard playing elephant-like alien. With more words (the limit was 1000) I would have shown more differentiation. But mostly I just wanted to have fun writing.
Thanks for the comment (my first from someone I don’t know…)
Straight out of Star Wars. Never thought I’d see a sleazy, elephant-like character play cards.